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Posted By Topic: Rights and duties vis-a-vis parents-in-law

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sajid_chauhan_81
07-30-2008 @ 6:55 PM    Notify Admin about this post
unspecified ساجد (Mumbai (India))
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As salaamu alaykum ikhwaan wa akhwaat,

Does anyone know of any book, article, tape,etc. (in any language inshAllaah) where the rights and duties of a daughter-in-law with respect to her parents-in-law and vice-versa are discussed?

In case someone has heard one of the Ulema speak about it then that would also suffice inshAllaah.

JazakAllaah khayr.

wa salaamu alaykum,
Sajid

asifhusain
08-03-2008 @ 6:45 AM    Notify Admin about this post
unspecified Asif bin Husain Mullaji (Mumbai, India)
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As Salaam Alykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa barakatu.

SHOULD I TAKE CARE OF MY HUSBAND'S FATHER ?

Ash-Shaykh Saalih al-Uthaymeen rahimahullah

Translated by Aboo'Imraan al-Mekesee hafidhaullah


Question: I am a woman who takes care of my husband's father. He is alone and has no one except my husband (to take care of him). Do i have the right to bathe him and watch him?

Answer: As for your service in taking care of your husband's father then this is an issue that you should be thanked for since this is from AL-IHSAAN (doing good deeds)towards this older man and it is from AL-IHSAAN towards your husband as well. You can bathe him except for washing his private parts. Concerning the private parts if he is able to wash himself then he should. It is not permissible for you to wash him but if he cannot then there is no harm in you washing him with the condition that you wear gloves so that you do not touch at his actual private areas just as you must lower your gaze and not look at his privates. This is because it is not permissible for you to look at the private parts of any adult except for your husband and the same goes for him.


Fatwaa ash-Shaykh Muhammad as-Saalih al'uthaymeen (2/775)


source:http://www.dtssbc.com/%20%09%20index.php? option=com_content&task=view&id=90&Itemid=
  


O Allaah, Lord of Jibraeel, Meekail, Israfeel.Maker of the Heavens & the earth. You judge between your slaves regarding in which they differ. Guide me to the truth in which there is difference, by Your leave. Suerly, You guide whomever you please to the straight path. (Muslim 1/534)

sajid_chauhan_81
08-04-2008 @ 2:02 PM    Notify Admin about this post
unspecified ساجد (Mumbai (India))
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Posts: 2031
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JazakAllaah khayr akhee.

This does give an indication of the rights/duties. InshAllaah if someone has anything else then please keep them coming.

It will be better if one of the Ulemaa or Duaat can give a lecture or perhaps write a short treatise on this topic and mention the proofs from Qur'aan and Ahadeeth.

Adnaan.ibn.Salman
08-07-2008 @ 10:51 PM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu 'Abdirrahmaan Adnaan ibn Salman (Birmingham, UK.)
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Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem,

Assalaamu'alaikumwarahmatullaahiwabarakaatuhu,

Here are some audio clips from a Q&A session with Sh Al-Anjaree some years ago where he discusses these issues.

http://www.box.net/shared/m3mdfwow0k
http://www.box.net/shared/t9tbmctck4

There is a lot from the 'Ulemaa on these issues and inshaa Allaah I will try to add to this post as and when I am able.

Adnaan

Adnaan.ibn.Salman
08-07-2008 @ 11:17 PM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu 'Abdirrahmaan Adnaan ibn Salman (Birmingham, UK.)
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Posts: 76
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Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem,

From Sh Ibn Uthaimeen (rahimahullaah):

quote:


A fatherıs relationship to children after marriage

Q:

What are the Islaamic regulations regarding the relation between parents and their married children? Please explain, because parents intrusion in the affairs of their childıs family often leads to discord.

A:

The relationship between parents and their children after marriage is one of duty and devotion. Thus the child must be dutiful to his parents before and after he is married. Meanwhile the parents must be good to their children since they are among their kin and nurturing ties among them is obligatory. So it is not allowed for them to harm their children by creating problems between their son and his wife. If the son sees no other choice, if he thinks it impossible to live with them, he can live in another home while still fulfilling his duties as a faithful son.

[Sh Ibn Uthaimeen ı Fataawaa Islaamiyyah Vol 7; P320]


Live independently with your wife but do not sever ties with your family

Q

I have been married now for four months to my cousin (fatherıs brotherıs daughter) and we live with my family. One day there was a misunderstanding between her and my family, so she returned to her fatherıs house. She then requested a separate abode for her and me to avoid any further problems. Her other choice was for us to live in her fatherıs house. I stipulated to her that we should continue to keep close relations with my family. However, when I presented her idea to my family they refused and were adamant about us living with them. Will I be sinning if I go against their request and live in a separate apartment with my wife or in her fatherıs house?

A:

This is an all-too common problem that occurs between a husbandıs relatives and his wife. In this situation the husband should expend all of his resouces to create an atmosphere of peace and understanding between all parties concerned. If one of the two parties is in the wrong, he should reprimand them gently and carefully avoiding exacerbating the situation even further. Unity and harmony among relatives is consummately good.

But if such an end cannot be achieved the husband can take his wife and live separately. In some situations this is in the interests of all: it gives an opportunity to remove any rancour from their hearts that might have been engendered while living together. In this case, if he does separate from his family, he should stay close to them. This can be achieved if he finds an abode in close proximity to them, making it easier for him to keep in touch with them. In this way if he can maintain his obligations regarding his family and his wife while living separately with his wife in their own home, then this is better.

[Sh Ibn Uthaimeen ı Fataawaa Islaamiyyah Vol 7; P349]



Adnaan.ibn.Salman
08-07-2008 @ 11:44 PM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu 'Abdirrahmaan Adnaan ibn Salman (Birmingham, UK.)
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Posts: 76
Joined: Apr 2005
          
Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem,

Assalaamu'alaikumwarahmatullaahiwabarakaatuhu,

Here are some more relevant audio clips from Sh Ubayd and Sh Falaah respectively:

http://www.box.net/shared/9xxg3et0cc

http://www.box.net/shared/ndfto4000c

Wassalaam,

Adnaan

sajid_chauhan_81
06-29-2010 @ 3:38 AM    Notify Admin about this post
unspecified ساجد (Mumbai (India))
Member
Posts: 2031
Joined: Jul 2005
          
Q: I am Egyptian and I currently live in  Riyadh while my wife and children reside in  Egypt. Though my wife is not beautiful, I am more concerned with the beauty of her character. My wife, all praise be to Allah Alone, guards my honor in my absence, looks after my children, urges them to pray and memorize Qur'an, teaches them to do the Halal (lawful) things and to avoid the Haram (prohibited). Moreover, my wife always encourages me to provide for my family. All praise be to Allah Alone, I fulfilled my duty perfectly towards my siblings and they all have become university graduates. My youngest brother is an engineer and he got married one week ago. My father (may Allah be merciful with him) would frequently make Du'a' (supplication) for me to the extent that my mother would ask him to make Du'a' for my siblings as he would for me. My father would make much Du'a' for me because I was sincere to him and all the family members to the extent that I would give priority to their needs over my children. I still provide for my mother and send to her a monthly allowance, clothes, etc. Allah (Exalted be He) helped me to buy farm land which I gave to my mother and sisters to live off its revenue as I believe that it is Wajib (obligatory) on me to provide their maintenance.

The problem is that my mother, may Allah guide her, always criticizes my wife for her physical weakness and not being beautiful. She ridicules the illness of my mother-in-law, though the latter is my mother's sister as I am married to my cousin. Moreover, my mother also criticizes my wife for her father's poverty and mentions that he did not use to have a house and that he would be driven out from one house to another, though my father-in-law is a righteous person and Allah has blessed him with a house in an excellent location that costs about one hundred and fifty thousand pound. One of his children is a university graduate and works as an Imam (the one who leads congregational Prayer) and Khatib (preacher) while the rest of his children are in different stages of study. My father (may Allah be merciful with him) would not be pleased with such behavior from my mother. He would have forbidden her to say bad things about my wife and her family and would console my wife; however, he passed away a year ago. Now I live abroad in order to earn a living and provide for my children and my mother that Allah may bless me with educating my children as I educated my siblings. Sadly, my mother humiliates my wife. She shouts at her in front of our neighbors. She once even took off her shoe to beat my wife with in front of the neighbors and my children. My wife complained to my paternal uncle, but he could not do any thing; I have only one maternal uncle and he cannot control his sister who does not listen to anybody. Regrettably, my children hate my mother because of what she does to their mother. When I try to tell them good things about my mother they say, "She did so and so against our mother and she does not show us any kindness." My mother always ill-treats my children. O honorable sheikh, please advise me and tell me what do I have to do to avoid displeasing my mother and thus losing out in this life and the Hereafter? Similarly, what should I do in order not to lose my wife whom I know being wronged? May Allah reward you with the best.


A: If the case is exactly as you have mentioned in the question, you have firstly to advise your wife to show love and kindness to your mother, to try to please and serve her, and to endure with patience your mother's offenses. You must tell your wife that when she does these things, you become more pleased with her and you love her more. Then you have to send mediators to advise your wife with the same. Such mediators have to remind your mother that she has to keep the limits of Allah, and tell her that what she does against her daughter-in-law is something Haram that may subject her to Allah's displeasure and punishment in this world and in the Hereafter.

Mediators may tell your mother that your wife praises her, mentions good things about her, and acknowledges her status. They may tell her that rebuking your wife for her physical weakness and not being beautiful and ridiculing her mother and father are Haram practices which if she persists in doing so Allah may punish her with the same in this world and in the hereafter. They may also tell her that things she rebuke them for relate to the Predestination of Allah that they have no power to change and that instead of mocking them, she has to praise Allah for not afflicting her with the same and for the good health and abundant blessings He (Glorified be He) bestows upon her. Moreover, she has to make Du'a' that Allah cures them. In addition, you may politely advise your mother in private and pave the way for this by magnifying her rights and doing your best to be dutiful to her and try to please and make her happy. Above all, you have to make Du'a' that Allah (Exalted be He) makes peace between your mother and your wife. Finally, you must be patient seeking the reward of Allah and waiting for His relief (Exalted be He).

May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and Companions!


Permanent Committee Fatwas Group 1, part 25, pg. 204






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