Topic: Behavior with parents who disobey Allah

ummmusa88    -- 29-10-2008 @ 1:58 AM
  Asalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh,

If one has Muslim (not salafi) parents, and alhamdulillah they pray and fast etc. And they actually do agree that the way of the Salaf is the right way and accept that, yet there are instances where they strictly oppose the Quran wa Sunnah. How are we to deal with such situations? We all always to honor our parents and love them and treat them with dignity. But what about times when they oppose the Sunnah, how do we act with them. Do we still act lovingly? Isn't there an ayah about how we should not show affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam?

Can someone please clarify this inshaAllah.

muslimah03    -- 29-10-2008 @ 8:11 PM

As Salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

Taken from: Fatawa Islamiyyah Islamic Verdicts Volume 7
From the Noble Scholars: Shaykh 'Abdul-'Aziz bin 'Abdullah bin Baz
                         Shaykh Muhammad bin Salih Al-Uthaimin
Along with: The Permanent Committee and the decisions of the Fiqh Council
Collected by: Muhammad bin 'Abdul-'Aziz al-Musnad
Pgs. 320-324

Be Patient - Be Good to Your Mother


I would like to present to your eminence a problem that my brothers and myself have with our mother. Her bad behavior often causes us not to treat her properly. We are fearful of Allah in this matter because we don't want to be undutiful and as a result lose out in this life and in the next due to her Shaytanic plots. She often criticizes our religious dedication and calls us "Mutaw'ah" even though she has herself memorized the last thirtieth of the Qur'an, and regularly fasts on Mondays, Thursdays, three days every month and performs other kinds of voluntary prayer and fasting. Even when we performed Hajj, before we began the return journey she returned to cursing, abusing and beating us to such a degree that she cursed our honor, integrity and supplicated with prayers against us the likes of which no mother would utter against her own sons. We often hope to be free of her or for us to die, just so we can be saved from her evil. The situation only goes from bad to worse. O noble Shaikh, what can we do with our mother and how do we make a just balance between her behavior and our lives?


The answer to this question must consist of two parts. The first part is advice to the mother, if what was said about her is true, then I advise her to fear Allah Almighty regarding herself, and that she know that such evil against children is a form of severing family relations, which is one of the major sins mentioned in Allah Almighty's saying:

     "Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in
     the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom
     Allah has cursed, so that He made them deaf and blinded their
     sight." [1]

And in the saying of the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam),

     "The one who severs does not enter Paradise." [2]

This means the one who severs the ties of kinship. This action of hers to her children is a form of oppression against them, and oppression is forbidden. In a Hadith Qudsi recorded by Muslim from Mu'adh bin Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) reported that his Lord said:

     "O my servants, I have forbidden Myself from oppressing and I
     have made it unlawful among you, so don't oppress each other." *[1]

And such wrong or oppression will manifest as a darkness an the Day of Resurrection. Conmmitting a wrong against one another than Allah Almighty
is not forgiven because it is the right of one of the creatures, and the creature's right must be repaid. One day, the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said to his Companions:

     "Who do you consider to be bankrupt?"

They answered,

     "The bankrupt person is he who has no Dirham or belongings."

He (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said:

     "The bankrupt person is he who comes on the Day of Judgement
     with good deeds that are like mountains. However, he has wronged
     so and so, hit so and so, cursed so and so, usurped the wealth
     of so and so. Then so and so will take from his good deeds,
     followed by another who will take from his good deeds if there
     are any left. If not, he will take from their bad deeds; those
     bad deeds will be heaped upon him, and then he will be thrown
     into the Fire." *[2]

This action of hers will lead to her children disobeying her, because people find it difficult to bear oppression. Thus she will be the cause
of their disobedience and the cause of her own misery. So she should fear Allah, improve herself, and live with them in harmony so that they can do her justice, so that they can do what Allah Almighty ordered them to do.

As for the second part: to the children, they should be patient and expect their reward from Allah Almighty. They should be good to her as much as they can. If they can do this and she still doesn't respond, they will triumph in the end, and she will lose.

A man told the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that when he tries to nurture relations with his relatives, they try to sever them; when he does something good to them, they do something evil to him, but he remains gentle with them. The Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said,

     "If the case is as you have said, then it is merely as if they
     have thrown themselves into hot ashes. You will continue to have
     help from Allah over them, as long as you are like this." **[1]

The meaning is that this is a gain for you and a loss against them. The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) also said,

     "The one who nurtures ties is not he who responds in kind,
     but it is he who when his ties of kinship are severed,
     joins them." **[2]

My advice for these children is that they are as dutiful to their mother as they can be, and that they be patient with any harms they suffer from her and await relief from Allah. Allah Almighty says:

     "And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He
     will make his matter easy for him" ***[1]

And He, Glorious is He, said:

     "And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine." ***[2]

                                            Ibn 'Uthaimin

[1] Muhammad 47:22-23.
[2] Al-Bukhari no. 5984 and Muslim no. 2556.
*[1] Muslim no. 2577.
*[2] Muslim no. 2581.
**[1] Muslim no. 2558.
**[2] Al-Bukhari no. 5991.
***[1] At-Talaq 65:4.
***[2] At-Talaq 65:2-3.


Was Salaam,
Jameelah Iman Muhammad bint Vasquez

Allaah The Exalted Says:
"And seek help in patience and As-Salat and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un." Surah al-Baqarah:45

muslimah03    -- 29-10-2008 @ 8:14 PM

As Salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

Taken from: Fatawa Islamiyyah Islamic Verdicts Volume 7
From the Noble Scholars: Shaykh 'Abdul-'Aziz bin 'Abdullah bin Baz
                         Shaykh Muhammad bin Salih Al-Uthaimin
Along with: The Permanent Committee and the decisions of the Fiqh Council
Collected by: Muhammad bin 'Abdul-'Aziz al-Musnad
Pgs. 343-344

         Dealing with Relatives Who are Negligent  
                with Religious Regulations


What should my stance be with my father, neighbors, relatives and friends who are either partly or totally remiss in their religious duties? I want to be sincere to them and help them, so what should I do?


The question is general in that the questioner says that they are either partly or totally remiss in the religious regulations. There are some regulations that are foundations of Islam, others are pillars, and others are Sunnah.

Your dealings with these people in terms of harshness or gentleness depend on your relation to them and on which practices they are negligent in. If they are your parents, you are required to be steadfast in advising them, and encouraging them to fulfill the religious duties that they are negligent in, or those they do not perform at all, doing so with wisdom and good manners. This is the way that Allah's friend Ibrahim demonstrated when he called his father to Tawhid. You must not obey them in a sin, but keep good company with them, and try to help them for the sake of Allah.

The same (calling with wisdom) applies to relatives, neighbors, and colleagues; if they heed your advice, they are your brothers in Islam. If they refuse by continually refusing to practice a foundation or a pillar of Islam, or something that is compulsory, forsake their company. However, if they are remiss in what is Sunnah or recommended, then it is something that nobody (except he who Allah Almighty protects) is protected from. Don't forsake such a person, but cooperate and be sincere with him for his and for your betterment.

                                 The Permanent Committee

Was Salaam,
Jameelah Iman Muhammad bint Vasquez

Allaah The Exalted Says:
"And seek help in patience and As-Salat and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un." Surah al-Baqarah:45

ummmusa88    -- 30-10-2008 @ 3:26 AM
  MashaAllah, barakAllahu feek ukhtie.

I understand that we are to be patient and gentle with our parents. But I am confused about the concept of love and hate for the sake of Allah. Clearly, we hate the kuffar for the sake of Allah and we love the mu'minoon for the sake of Allah.

But what about people, like mentioned in the question above, who are half upon the deen and doing do the other half... How we can completely have love for them in our hearts when we see them oppose the Sunnah despite warnings? And what if we are talking about parents here.. Do we love them for the sake of Allah in general but hate them for the sake of Allah when they oppose the deen?

ummmusa88    -- 30-10-2008 @ 3:32 AM
  This is the ayah Im talking about:

"You will not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allah and his messenger, even though they were their fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred (people)."

muslimah03    -- 30-10-2008 @ 3:58 PM
  As Salaamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

That is a good question ukhtee. InshaAllah someone may have an answer to clarify the love and hate for the sake of Allaah with regards to the parents (or Muslims in general) who are sometimes on, sometimes off.

Understanding is in the hands of Allah tabaraakta'aala. In something that you don't understand, then jayyid, take it to Allah tabaraakta'aala after you have asked the question and tried or while you are asking you can say 'Oh Allah increase me in knowledge'. The Prophet (sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said that. Like Ibn Taimiyyah (rahimahullah) used to do when he would read hundreds of tafseers, when he would come across something that he didn't understand he would say 'Oh Allah, who taught Ibraheem, and Oh Allah, who brings the understanding to the Imaams, teach me and grant me understanding'. Take it to Allah tabaraakta'aala. (From a lecture given by Abu Uwais[rahimahullah] from his series of lectures on Sharh Al-Aqeedatil Wasitiyah, cd #15 in the 32 cd series)

Was Salaam,
Jameelah Iman Muhammad bint Vasquez

Allaah The Exalted Says:
"And seek help in patience and As-Salat and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un." Surah al-Baqarah:45

dksadiq    -- 18-02-2010 @ 7:45 AM
  wa 'alaikumussalaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh

There is quite a bunch of fatawaa on the site (especially in the section on Good Manners) regarding treating the parents in many different circumstances. Insha'Allaah, you can go through the pages on that link (Good Manners) to find a few that fit the circumstance described in your post above.

[url=]This one caught my attention:[/url]
  The second question of Fatwa no.  11815

Q 2: I had an old mother who performs Salah (Prayer), but not well. She says some things that involve Shirk (associating others with Allah in His Divinity or worship), but she relies on Allah only. Even these kinds of Shirk are committed only when she talks with women. When I advise her, she does not object. She gave up making vows to anyone others than Allah. As for Salah, she refuses to perform it well. She does not recite the Qur'an or Tashahhud (a recitation in the sitting position in the second/ last unit of Prayer) or Tasbih (saying: "Subhan Allah [Glory be to Allah]") well. If she dies in this state, what will her destiny be? Guide me, may Allah reward you with the best!

A: Continue advising your mother and teaching her issues of Tawhid (belief in the Oneness of Allah/ monotheism) and rulings of Salah, including recitation of the Qur'an, Tasbih, Tashahhud, etc. She will be forgiven for what she fails to do. Do good to her so that Allah will do good to you. If she fails to observe something, her case is for Allah (to judge).

May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

Permanent Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta'

The Chairman - 'Abdul-'Aziz ibn 'Abdullah ibn Baz
Deputy Chairman - 'Abdul-Razzaq 'Afify
Member - 'Abdullah ibn Ghudayyan

May Allah reward the Scholars for their naseehah to the Ummah.

سبحان الذي لا يشكر إلا بنعمة أخرى

sajid_chauhan_81    -- 16-03-2010 @ 8:53 AM
Advice for those whose parents commit some aspects of Shirk (polytheism)

Some Muslim brothers have problems with their parents because of their committing Shirk (polytheism) and not accepting their advice. What would you advise them to do?  Great troubles have occurred between those Muslim brothers and their parents.

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon whom Allah sent as a mercy to the Worlds, upon his Family, his Companions and his Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

They should direct them and call them to Allah , and they should not leave them, but should behave with them in the world with kindness as the verse states:

﴿وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلاَ تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفاً﴾ [لقمان : 15]

﴾But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then, obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly﴿ [Luqmın: 15].

They should also invite them to religion kindly; avoid coarseness and repelling hardness as Allah  said:

﴿ادْعُ إِلِى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ﴾ [النحل: 125].

﴾Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islım) and wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qúrın) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better﴿ [An-Nahl (The Bees): 125].

In fact, this followed way of calling (to Allah) is one of the most important reasons of benefiting the common people with the callers' invitation, guidance and directions. The Prophet  already said: "If Allah guides a single person to embrace Islam at your hand (i.e. through you) that will be better for you than the red camels"[1].

The perfect knowledge belongs to Allah. Our last prayer is all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon our Prophet, his Family, his Companions and Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

dksadiq    -- 19-03-2010 @ 1:49 PM
  In this fatwa, the Permanent Committee (with the names: 'Abdul-'Aziz ibn 'Abdullah ibn Baz, 'Abdul-'Aziz Al Al-Shaykh, Salih Al-Fawzan, Bakr Abu Zayd) mentioned:

A: You have to teach your mother whatever she can learn from the Qur'an and different matters of her Din (religion). ...


The following is from [url=]this page in the section of ash-Shaykh ibn Baaz رحمه الله's fatawa on[/url]:

Q: My mother offers Salah (Prayer), but she does not know how to perform it properly, as she only knows Surah Al-Fatihah. When I try to teach her, she forgets what I have taught her quickly. Is her Salah valid?

A: Yes, your mother's Salah is valid, but you, as well as your siblings, have to continue teaching her the Salah many times, until the knowledge is firm in her heart. ...

...It is never permissible for a Muslim to abandon the Salah, in fact, it is obligatory on them to perform the Salah any way they can, according to their circumstances. But they must try to learn it and have Taqwa (fear Allah as He should be feared) with regard to this. As for the children and relatives of this woman, if they know how to perform Salah, they must teach her and guide her. The same applies to the children and relatives of a man who does not know how to perform the Salah  correctly  if they know how to, or a sibling. The seekers of knowledge should help those who are ignorant about the Salah, as should all believers, who are enjoined to help one another in Birr (righteousness) and Taqwa. Allah (may He be Exalted) says:
وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ والتًّقْوَى

[Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwaa (virtue, righteousness and piety)] (Surah Al-Ma'idah, 5: 2)

...That is why it is obligatory on you, the questioner, and your siblings to teach your mother and be patient with her.

You should be kind and use good words with her, and avoid scolding her and being rough with her; use good manners with her and choose the suitable time to teach her, at night or in the daytime. Teach her continually and also your aunts. Try to do good to everyone, as this Dunia (world) is the place for doing good deeds, teaching, cooperation

May Allaah reward the Scholars with much good and have mercy upon the dead among them and preserve the living.

dksadiq    -- 18-04-2010 @ 7:42 AM
Advising a sinful parent

Q : My father commits many sins and does not accept my advice. What should I do?

A : May Allah grant your father guidance and help him to repent. We recommend you to advise him in a kind and friendly way and not to despair of his being guided, because Allah (may He be Praised) says:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ

{And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. }

وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ  عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ

{But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience.}
[Surah Luqman, 31: 14-15]

Thus, Allah (may He be Praised) commended children to give thanks to Him and to parents. Allah (Exalted be He) ordered children to behave with their parents kindly even if they (both) strive with them to make them discard Islam. Accordingly, you should know that you are obliged to behave with your father in the world in a kind and grateful way even if he wrongs you. You should endeavor to call him to the truth in the hope that Allah (Exalted be He) will guide him for your sake. It is impermissible for you to obey him in committing sins. We also advise you to seek Allah's help (Glorified and Exalted be He) in guiding him. Then you should seek the help of the righteous people from among your relatives, such as your uncles and others whom your father appreciates and respects so that he may accept their advice. May Allah grant us all guidance, success, and sincere repentance. He is All-Hearer, Ever Near.

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