SalafiTalk.Net » Family, Marriage and Children
» Childhood Abuse
Search ===>

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11 • Part 12

   Reply to this Discussion Start new discussion << previous || next >> 
Posted By Topic: Childhood Abuse

book mark this topic Printer-friendly Version  send this discussion to a friend  new posts last

12-01-2006 @ 5:38 PM    Notify Admin about this post
UmmIkhlas Aasiyah bint Linda G. Ivy (Oklahoma, USA)
Posts: 13
Joined: Jan 2003
Assalaamu' Alaikum

What is the response to a survivor of childhood sexual/physical abuse who is/has gone through abuse and they are having a very difficult time understanding why Allah Subhannah WaaTaallah did not protect them?  From further conversation, they do not disbelieve in Allah, but they are trying not to have any resentful feelings within their heart about the level, length and degree of the abuse.  The main problem they cannot understand is why an 3 year old child was not protected.  They have begun to internalize the abuse and they blame themselves and they believe the abuse was done due them deserving it and that they have fallen out of Allah's favor.  Their excuse, "Allah Subhannah WaaTaallah protects those whom he wills and Allah chose not to protect them due to them not being worthy of protection."

I would like a speedy answer due to not knowing the state of the persons mind.  It's obvious that the person is trying to hold on to the rope of Allah due to them seeking out help, so any responses NOT trying to help and increase the persons Eemaan, should kindly be left unspoken, In Shaa Allah.  The person does have access to the internet and I do NOT want to drive them away due to someone's ignorant response.  In Shaa allah, any forwards from the scholars in regards to abuse and our religion is really wanted, In Shaa allah.

Fee Ameenillaah


?A person is upon the Deen of his khaleel - close friend, so look to whom you befriend.? [Abu Dawood and At-Tirmidhee]

12-03-2006 @ 10:01 AM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu Mu-aawiyah Abdullah bin AbuBakr Al (UK)
Posts: 379
Joined: Nov 2003


AND FOR THE CHILDREN UPON THEIR PARENTS THERE ARE RIGHTS (i.e. the children have rights to be fulfilled by the parents).  They are trusts, and responsibilities of theirs.  Then upon the parents (due to the children being their own), there are obligations in relation to that.  

ONE OF THOSE TWO (obligations) IS:

Fulfillment of physical needs, (such as providing maintenance and clothing, and that which follows on from that).  This is obligatory (and) there is no escape from it, together with the (fact that) indeed it is from the superior acts of worship, and particularly together with hope of gaining the reward that is with Allah (subhaanah).  Indeed, you will not spend of maintenance seeking by it the Face of Allah except that there is reward for it, even that which you give to your wife, and your (families).


The obligation of cultivation upon the Religion (i.e. the Religion of Islaam).  

Upon the two parents is to teach the children the Qur?aan, knowledge and the art of writing, and that which follows on from that.  Cultivate them upon good manners, turn them away from all harm and exhort them towards fulfillment of the obligatory matters.  The slave brings up his children by way of accomplishment of these two affairs.  And in falling short/failure in cultivating (children upon the Religion), he (the parent) loses his children, (a manifest loss).  

And the children, just as it is obligatory upon them to show kindness and honor their parents, and fulfill that which is an obligation upon them towards the parents, likewise on the part of the parents is the responsibility to cultivate their children upon that which brings about absolute goodness for them.

Allah said:  ??O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families from the fire?? 66:6

That is the establishment of the means of safeguarding them from the fire with complete heed and absence of negligence.  The one who pushes them towards negligence penalizes/reproaches none but himself if the reward escapes him, and he deserves that due to his abandonment of that which is obligatory upon him, (i.e. the obligations upon which is dependent the end results).  So the righteousness and goodness of his children evades him.

Allah said: ??Whoever does righteous good deed, it is for (the benefit of) his ownself; and whoever does evil, it is against his ownself?? 41:46  

Source: ??Noorul Basaa-ir Wal Albaab Fee Ahkaam Al Ibaadaat Wal Mu-aamalaat Wal Huqooq Wal Aadaab?? of Imam Abdur Rahmaan As Sadi. Page 61-62.

I ask Allah to guide me and all the Muslims towards all that enables one in fulfilling the RIGHTS OF OUR CHILDREN.

Abu Mu-aawiyah Abdullah bin AbuBakr al Gambi

This message was edited by abdullah.gambi on 12-3-06 @ 1:52 PM

12-08-2006 @ 6:20 PM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu Mariam Hashim ibn Ya'qub (al-Britaanee)
Posts: 73
Joined: Sep 2002
Bismillaah alhumdulillaah was salaatu was salaamu 'ala rasulullaah wa ba'ad:

Assallaamu alaikum

I start by first reminding you of what Allaah has said regards to what each person will be held accountable for inshaAllaah.

Allaah says (the meaning of which is):

"All‚h burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned?"(2:286)

"No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear." 2:233

"We burden not any person, but that which he can bear." 6:152

"And no bearer of burdens shall bear another's burden, and if one heavily laden calls another to his load, nothing of it will be lifted even though he be near of kin?"(35:18)

"No bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another." 39:7

"That no burdened person (with sins) shall bear the burden (sins) of another," (An-Najm 53:38)

With the above in mind ukhti I adivise the sister in question to bear patiently with the trials that Allaah has tested her with.  This in no way means that Allaah has forsaken her but it could be that Allaah has given her further opportunities to earn the greatest of rewards inshaAllaah.

The key to success in this regards is Patience.  For verily Allaah has said: (te meaning of which is)

"Verily Allaah is with those who are patient" (2:153)

"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-S‚birin (the patient ones, etc.).  Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To All‚h we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.  They are those on whom are the Salaw‚t (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones." (Al-Baqarah 2:155 - 157)

And furthermore along with this I advise you to advise the sister with fearing Allaah, as Allaah has said: (the meaning of which is)

"And whosoever fears All‚h and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).  And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in All‚h, then He will suffice him. Verily, All‚h will accomplish his purpose. Indeed All‚h has set a measure for all things." (At-Talaq 65:2-3)

"O you who believe! Fear All‚h (by doing all that He has ordered and by abstaining from all that He has forbidden) as He should be feared. [Obey Him, be thankful to Him, and remember Him always], and die not except in a state of Isl‚m (as Muslims) with complete submission to All‚h." (Aali Imran 3:102)

And along with this inshaAllaah an advise from me to the sister is that you should constantly remember Allaah and the favours he has bestowed upon her.  And that she should look and reflect upon those people who are less fortunate than herself and that she should thank and praise Allaah accordingly.

Allaah says (the meaning of which is)

"Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me." (Al-Baqarah 2:152)

"And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of All‚h, never will you be able to count them. Verily! Man is indeed an extreme wrong-doer..." (Ibraheem 14:34)

I hope inshaAllaah this goes some way to alleviating some of the sisters concerns and worries and that she is able to reflect on some of what has been said.  It is a very difficult period that any individual has to unfortunately suffer and this suffering is unfortunately done in the worst possible way, and that is with silence.

But remember also what Allaah has said (the meaning of which is):

Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs). (Ash-Sharh 94:6)

I hope inshaAllaah to put a post/s up on here reflecting the reality of this and other issues that are a part of many Muslims lives and are more often than not regarded as taboo and as a result are swept under the carpet.

***Ikhwaan and akhawaat remember the rights of your fellow muslims over you, of these rights is that when a Muslim comes to you for advise, then you advise them in a kind and gentle manner so as not to push them away further from other muslims and ultimately the deen of Allaah.  And Allaahs refuge is sought.***

was salaamu alaikum

Abu Mariam Hashim ibn Ya'qub as-Surtee

01-12-2007 @ 12:23 AM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu Mu-aawiyah Abdullah bin AbuBakr Al (UK)
Posts: 379
Joined: Nov 2003
moved to thread ''do not transgress the limits in marriage''

This message was edited by abdullah.gambi on 1-17-07 @ 11:18 PM

06-06-2007 @ 3:15 PM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu Mu-aawiyah Abdullah bin AbuBakr Al (UK)
Posts: 379
Joined: Nov 2003
How do we Fulfill the Rights of our own Flesh and Blood?

AUTHOR:      Shaikh Muhammad 'Umar Baazmool
SOURCE:      Fildhaat-ul-Akbaad (pg. 18-25)

This is an excerpt from an upcoming e-book entitled "Your Flesh and Blood - The Rights of Children" by Shaikh Muhammad 'Umar Baazmool, may Allaah facilitate it.

Chapter Five:

How do we Fulfill the Rights of our Flesh and Blood?

I will mention here some examples of this:

1. Choosing a good name for him:

The proof for this is the fact that it is authentically reported on the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that he would change vile names and that he would encourage (his followers) to choose good names (for themselves and their children).

Ibn ?Umar (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Indeed the most beloved of your names to Allaah are: ?Abdullaah and ?Abdur-Rahmaan.? [1]

?Aqeel bin Shabeeb reported from Abu Wahab Al-Jushamee ? one of the Companions ? that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Name yourselves with the names of the prophets. And the most beloved of names to Allaah are: ?Abdullaah and ?Abdur-Rahmaan while the most truthful of them are: Al-Haarith and Hammaam. And the vilest of them are Harb and Murrah.? [2]

2. Holding an ?Aqeeqah for him:

On the authority of Muhammad bin Sireen: Salmaan bin ?Aamir Ad-Dabbee narrated to us, saying: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) say: ?The ?Aqeeqah is to be offered for the (newborn) boy. So spill blood on his behalf (i.e. offer a sacrifice) and remove the harm from him.? [3]

3. Breastfeeding him:

This is one of the initial rights that a child gets after birth. The noble Qur?aan has affirmed it and defined the maximum time-frame for it, saying: ?The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.? [Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]

4. Paying his expenses:

Allaah says: ?But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother?s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear.? [Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]

And He says: ?And kill not your children because of poverty. We provide sustenance for you and for them.? [Surah Al-An?aam: 151]

And He says: ?And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.? [Surah Al-Israa: 31]

So if it were not for the fact that spending on them was an obligation, they would not have any fear of poverty. However, Allaah affirmed that and shows them that He is the One who provides for them and their offspring.

Az-Zuhree said: Abu Idrees ?Aa?idhullaah bin ?Abdillaah informed me that ?Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu 'anhu) ? who was present at the Battle of Badr and who was one of the chiefs on the night of ?Aqabah ? reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said while a group of his Companions were around him: ?Give me the pledge that you will not worship anything along with Allaah, that you will not steal, that you will not commit illegal intercourse, that you will not kill your children, that you will not bring forth a slander which you fabricate between your hands and legs (i.e. by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that you are not disobedient with respect to (implanting) good. Whoever amongst you fulfills his pledge will be rewarded by Allaah. And whoever indulges in any of these sins and is then punished for it in this worldly life, the punishment will serve as expiation for him. And whoever indulges in any of these sins and then Allaah conceals it for him, the matter is with Allaah ? if He wishes, He will pardon him and if He wishes, He will punish him.? ?Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu 'anhu) said: ?So we gave him the pledge of allegiance upon these conditions.? [4]

We also mentioned previously the report in which the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he supports.? [5]

Hishaam narrated: My father reported to me from ?Aa?ishah that Hind bint ?Utbah said: ?O Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam), Abu Sufyaan is a very miserly man and he doesn?t give me what suffices myself and my child, except for what I take from him without him knowing!? He (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Take what suffices you and your child in goodness.? [6]

Anas bin Maalik (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Whoever supports two girls until they reach the age of puberty will come on the Day of Judgement ? him and I.? And he (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) interlaced his fingers. [7]

5. Being fair when giving out gifts:

?Aamir narrated: I heard An-Nu?maan bin Basheer say while he was on the mimbar: ?My father once gave me a gift but ?Amra bint Rawaahah (i.e. my mother) said she would not agree to it unless he made Allaah?s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) a witness to it. So my father went to Allaah?s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and said: ?I have given a gift to my son from ?Amra bint Rawaahah, but she ordered me to make you witness it O Messenger of Allaah.? He (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) asked him: ?Did you give the rest of your children a similar gift?? He said: ?No.? So Allaah?s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Then fear Allaah and be fair towards all of your children.? So my father went back and took back his gift.? [8]

6. Commanding them to pray and being patient with them upon that:

This is based on Allaah?s statement: ?And enjoin prayer on your family and be patient in offering it. We do not ask you for any provision, (rather) We provide for you, and the good end is for those with Taqwaa.? [Surah TaHa: 132]

?Amr bin Shu?aib reported from his father who reported from his grandfather that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Order your children to pray when they are seven years old and beat them to it (if they refuse) when they are ten. And separate them in their beds.? [9]

7. Beware of supplicating against them:

?Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported from Jaabir bin ?Abdillaah (radyAllaahu 'anhu) that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Do not supplicate against your own selves. Do not supplicate against your children. And do not supplicate against your wealth. Do not correspond with Allaah on an hour in which He is asked something and thus grants it.? [10]

8. The Order to Restrain Children during the Hours in which the Jinn spread out:

Jaabir (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?When night falls, restrain your children, for indeed the devils spread out at that time. So when an hour has passed from the evening, you may then release them. And close your door and mention Allaah?s Name. Turn off your light and mention Allaah?s Name. Cover your containers and mention Allaah?s Name ? even if you put something across it.? [11]

9. Inciting them to keep good company and warning them about bad companions:

Abu Moosaa (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?The example of a righteous companion and an evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. From the first, you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while a blacksmith would either burn your home or your clothes or you would experience a foul smell from him.? [12]

10. Being merciful and compassionate towards them:

?Urwah bin Az-Zubair reported from ?Aa?ishah (radyAllaahu 'anhaa), the wife of the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam), who narrated to him, saying: ?A woman with two children came to me to beg but nothing could be found in my possession except one date, so I gave it to her. The woman took it and divided it between her two daughters. She then got up and left. When the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) came in, I told him what had happened. So he said: ?Whoever is put in charge of some affair of these daughters and is good to them, they will act as a shield for him from the Fire.?? [13]

Az-Zuhree reported: Abu Salamah bin ?Abdir-Rahmaan narrated to us that Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu 'anhu) said: ?The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) once kissed Al-Hasan bin ?Alee while Al-Aqra? bin Haabis At-Tameemee was sitting next to him, so Al-Aqra? said: ?I have ten children and I have not kissed any of them.? The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) cast a look on him and said: ?Whoever is not merciful (to others) will not be treated mercifully.?? [14]

?Aa?ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, reported that once a Bedouin man came to the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and said: ?You people kiss children but we don?t kiss them.? So the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allaah has taken it away from it.? [15]

Abu Sulaymaan Maalik bin Al-Huwairith reported: ?We came to the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) when we were young men around the same age and stayed with him for twenty nights. He (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) then thought that we missed our families so he asked us whom we left behind to look after them, and we told him. He was compassionate and merciful and said to us: ?Go back to your families and teach them and command them (with good). And pray as you have seen me praying. And when the time for prayer comes in, one of you should make the Adhaan for all of you, and the eldest amongst you should lead the prayer.?? [16]

11. Serving as good role-models for them:

A child?s guardians should behave in accordance with their responsibility due to the generality of the afore-mentioned hadeeth: ?All of you are shepherds and each one of you is responsible over his flock.??

12. Teaching them the aspects of the Religion that they are required to learn:

Anas bin Maalik (radyAllaahu 'anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ?Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.? [17]

This goes along with a warning against children traveling abroad even for educational purposes until they first fortify themselves with religious knowledge and a righteous wife.

06-13-2007 @ 4:37 AM    Notify Admin about this post
Abu Jameelah Michael ibn 'Abdullaah (Columbia, SC)
Posts: 88
Joined: Oct 2002
Innalhamdulillaah wa salaatu wa salaamu ala arasoolullaahi wa ala alihe wa ashabihe ajma'een, wa ba'ad:

I would like to follow up the advise of our brother Abu Maryam with encouragement;since I feel his advise is more than sufficient, walhamdulillah.  I encourage the sister to seek the protection of Allaah through gaining knowledge of Him.  Understand who Allaah is in accordance to what Allaah has said about Himself and what His messenger, salallaahu alayhe wa sallam, has said/taught regarding Him.  This way she can understand what is from Allaah and what is not from Him i.e. as it regards the bad actions of mankind.  

Mankind is unjust and Allaah is not.  Mankind is evil and Allaah is not.  Mankind murders, steals, lies, cheats, and causes limitless bloodshed and of course Allaah does not.  Knowing Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala will be the best way to understanding all matters that occur in this life and ultimately what will occur in the hereafter from what we have been told of in The Kitab and The Sunnah.  It is especially hard when one is in pain and when hardship is upon them to hear someone say "know, trust, and believe in Allaah" if their state of imaan is low.  Just know that it is much more difficult to endure the hardship all by itself without the presence of knowing, trusting, and believing in Allaah Tabarak wa Ta'ala.  I say to our dear and beloved sister with the deepest sincerity that Allaah is The Most Just and your affair will not go unjudged by Allaah.

Subhanaka Allaahumma wa Bihamdika wa Ashahadu an La ilaha ilah Anta, wastaghfirooka wa Atoobu Elayke.

min 'abdillah:
Abu Jameelah Michael Latham

TawhidFirst | Aqidah | AboveTheThrone | Asharis
Madkhalis | Takfiris | Maturidis | Dajjaal
Islam Against Extremism | Manhaj
Ibn Taymiyyah | Bidah
Learnarabic.Com visit the site

main page | contact us
Copyright © 2001 - SalafiTalk.Net
Madinah Dates Gold Silver Investments