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Posted By Topic: In Need Of Some Advice.....Insha Allah

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zaahir.abd
22-11-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH...

I AM A SINGLE BROTHER LOOKING TO GET MARRIED.....I ACCEPTED ISLAM IN 2000.  I WOULD LIKE SOME ADVICE OR SOME EXAMPLE QUESTIONS A BROTHER CAN USE AT A SIT DOWN.
I AM LOOKING FOR THE DO'S AND DON'TS. INSHA ALLAH , THE REASON IS SO I CAN HAVE A ROUGH DRAFT ON WHAT I SHOULD BE ASKING AND HOW...

MAY ALLAH BLESS US WITH RIGHTEOUS SPOUSES AND CHILDREN.. AMEEN....
BARAKALLAHU FEEKUM..

AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH
ZAAHIR.ABD AL BUERTO RIKAANEE

faruq.as-salafi
28-11-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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As-Salaamu' Alaikum.

There is a hadith in the Sahih of Imam Al-Bukhari in the book of Nikah (marriage) where the Prophet (sal'Allahu'alayhe wa salaam) mentioned characteristics to look for in a proposed sister for marriage.

I am currently at work and do not have access to the Sahih, but I think they were (and possibly NOT in this order), and insha-Allah can someone relay the hadith so that the dhaleel is apparent, barak Allahu' Feek:

The level of her deen.
Her relationship with her mother.
Her wealth.
Lastly, her beauty.

Your questions should surround these four characteristics. I think that the Prophet (sal'Allahu'alahe wa salaam) mentioned specifically that it's not recommended to marry a sister for her beauty only because this attribute will fade over time, her self-persistence of striving to obtain taqwa, of striving to be upon the manhaj of the salafu'salih, her striving to act out her attributing herself to being a salafi, athari, sunni, insha-Allahu'ta'Baraka'wa Ta'Ala will not fade over time, insha-Allah it will only increase in good. Her understanding of her role as a wife and even your role as a husband, and the ahkam of Islam from the 'usool on up you should question. Question her of what she knows and doesn't know, what you know and do not know of so you can see where you will have to begin and end prior to marriage insha-Allah this would help you be very much prepared, like the good salafi brother who posts frequently here on SalafiTalk notes, "verily the cure for all ignorance is to question."
Inquire about her mother and her relationship with her mother, if her mother is salafi, athari, sunni, and how her mother exerts herself to clinging to the Rope of Allah. Her mother's relationship with her husband is also vital to look at because you will find that the daughter takes after the mother in her characteristics in MANY ways. Character traits, habits, zeal for the deen of Allahu'Suphana as well as how she may deal with you, may come from the way the mother deals with her husband. This can be a very beautiful thing or this can be a kinda' bad thing (I mean this, depending on the example or role-model). Similarly, if her mother is not muslim, inquire about how she deals with her, does she give her (the mother) her due rights and measures and obediences. Inquire about her wealth, how much of it she possesses and what she does with it, insha-Allah someone viewing this nasihah to the brother could bring an example from the authentic sunnah pertaining to how you would go about inquiring about the wealth, and lastly the beauty of the sister. Insha-Allahu'ta'Ala you want to ensure you are pleased with who you will be wakin' up next to on the daily akhi and the sister should also be aware of the matter, beautifying herself for you from the example of our mother, 'Umm Sulaim Al-Ansariyyah (radhi'Allahu'anha) and the rest of our mothers who would extensively beautify themselves seeking to please their husbands and in return pleasing their Lord ultimately. Barak Allahu' Feek. This is just a nasihah and I noticed that no one responded to your question, as a married man wal'hamdu'li'lah, I can vouch somewhat and the little hikmah (wisdom) I have may be of assistance.

Baarak-Allaahu Feekum - wa sal-Allaahu wa-sallam 'alaa Nabiyyinaa Muhammad,
was-Salaam 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullaahe wa-Barakaatuh.

Abu' Salafi'ayn
-From As-Salafiyoon in Columbus-

This message was edited by faruq.as-salafi on 11-28-02 @ 7:14 AM

faruq.as-salafi
28-11-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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As-Salaamu'Alaikum.

It was brought to my attention the part about do's and dont's. Do you mean 'dont's' by what not to ask? My advice and Allah and his Messenger (sal'Allahu'alayhe was salaam) know best, is to ask as many questions as possible. Of course do not ask degrading questions. About physical features related to the sister, I found this recording from www.assalafi.com -"Ash-Shaikh Ibn Baaz was asked about "Seeing the Girl to Whom One Desires to Marry":

-Translated by Abu Sumayyah Aqeel Walker

Question: Among the causes of divorce, O honorable Shaikh, is the husband not seeing his wife before the time of the consumation of the marriage (i.e. before they are married), and our Islamic religion allows this (the couple to see each other before marriage). So what comments can your eminence give concerning this matter?
  
Answer: There is no doubt that the husband not seeing the woman before marriage might be among the causes that lead to divorce if he finds her to look different than how she was described to him. For this reason Allaah, far removed is He from any imperfections, legislated for the husband to see the woman before the marriage if that is possible. Thus, the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, then if he is able to look at whatever of her will encourage him to marry her, then let him do so. For verily that will be more appropriate for encreasing the affection between them." This was reported by Ahmad, and Abu Dawud with a good (Hasan) chain of narration and Al-Haakim graded it authentic (Saheeh) as a narration related by Jaabir (Radhiyallaahu 'anhu). Ahmad, At-Tirmithee, An-Nasaa'ee and Ibn Maajah all reported from Al-Mugheerah bin Shu'bah (Radhiyallaahu 'anhu) that he proposed to marry a woman, so the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "Look at her, for verily it is more appropriate for encreasing the affection between you two."
  
Muslim  reported  in his Saheeh on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (Radhiyallaahu 'anhu) that a man mentioned to the Messenger of Allaah (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that he proposed to marry a woman, so the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said to him, "Did you look at her?" The man replied, "No." The Prophet said, "Go and look at her."
  
These hadeeths and other reports that have come with the same meaning all prove the legislation of looking at the woman whom one intends to marry before the actual marriage contract. This is because that is closer to what will bring about success (in the marriage) and the good end result. This is from the beautiful aspects of the Sharee'ah (the Islamic Law) which has come with all that contains the rectification of the servants (of Allaah) and the happiness of the society, both in this life and the hereafter. So glory be to the One Who legislated it, and sanctioned it as law and made it like Noah's Ark. Whoever is firm upon it then he is saved and whoever goes outside of it then he is destroyed.
  
Source: Al-Fataawaa min Silsilat Kitaab ud-Da'wah, pp. 207-208
  
Translated by Aqeel Walker
Masjid As-Salaf is-Saalih
Atlanta, GA USA

Another beneficial article on www.assalafi.com related to this topic is below:

Ash-Shaikh Ibn Baaz was asked regarding "The Limit of What can be seen of the Woman Whom One Seeks to Marry"

-Translated by Abu Sumayyah Aqeel Walker

Question: If a young man proposes marriage to a young lady is it obligatory that he sees her? Also, is it correct that the young lady uncover her head to show more of her beauty to her proposing fiance? Please benefit us and may Allaah benefit you.
  
Answer: There is no harm (in the man seeing her), however it is not obligatory. Rather, it is recommended that he sees her and she sees him, because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) commanded the one who proposed marriage to look at the woman. This is because that is better for causing agreement and harmony between them. So if she uncovers her face for him, and her hands and her head, there is no harm in that according to the correct opinion.  Some of the people of knowledge have said that it is sufficient for her to uncover the face and the two hands. However, the correct opinion is that there is no harm in him seeing her head, face, hands and feet, based upon the mentioned hadeeth (above). However, this is not permissible with him being alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them." (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) also said, "A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third." (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)
  
Source: Al-Fataawaa ash-Shar'iyyah fil-Masaa'il il-'Asriyyah min Fataawaa 'Ulamaa' il-Balad il-Haraam, pp. 498-499.
  
Translated by Aqeel Walker
Masjid As-Salaf is-Saalih
Atlanta, GA USA  

An advice from the Noble Shaikh 'Uthaymeen (Rahimahu'llah) from www.assalafi.com:

Ash-Shaikh Ibn Al-'Uthaymeen says: It is not permissible for the engaged woman to beautify herself in front of the man who has proposed to her

-Translated by Abu Sumayyah Aqeel Walker

Question: Is it permissible for the engaged woman to appear before the man who has proposed to her with Kuhl in her eyes, beautified and wearing perfume? And what is the ruling of Ash-Shabakah (engagement gift)? Please benefit us, may Allaah reward you with good.
  
Answer: The woman who is proposed to - before the wedding contract is complete for marriage to her - she is a woman who is a stranger to the proposing man (i.e. fiance). Thus, she is just like the women in the market place (i.e. any other women). However, the Islamic Legislation has allowed the one who proposes to her to look at what will encourage him to marry her due to the need for that and because it is more appropriate for causing affection between them. This means that it will help bring them together. However, it is not permissible for her to come out to him beautified and in a glamorous manner - not in fancy clothes, nor with make up, because she is a non-related stranger to him. This is also because if the proposing man sees her in this beautification, then she changes after it is removed (i.e. she looks different without it), then indeed her appearance is going to change to him, and it is likely that his desire for her will leave. That which is allowed for the proposing man to look at on the woman whom he proposes to is, for example, the face, the feet, the head (i.e. hair) and the neck, under the condition that he is not alone with her. Also he should not talk at length to her directly if he speaks with her. Likewise, it is not permissible for him to call her on the phone because that is an evil temptation that the Satan beautifies in the heart of the proposing man and the woman who is proposed to. If he completes the marriage contract to marry her, then he may speak to her, and he may be alone with her and he may touch her (because they are married in that case). However, we advise that he does not have sexual intercourse with her, because if he has sex with her before the announced and known consumation of the marriage, and she has a baby very early after that, people may be suspicious of the woman. Likewise, if the man dies before the announced and known consumation date, and then she gives birth to a child, people will also be suspicious of her in that case.
  
In reference to Ash-Shabakah, then it is an expression used to refer to a gift that the man who proposes gives to the woman to whom he proposes (i.e. his fiance) as a sign that he is pleased with her and that he desires her. There is no harm in that because the people still do that, even if it is given some other name.
  
Source: Al-Fataawaa ash-Shar'iyyah fil-Masaa'il il-'Asriyyah min Fataawaa 'Ulamaa' il-Balad il-Haraam, pp. 499-500.
  
Translated by Aqeel Walker
Masjid As-Salaf is-Saalih
Atlanta, GA USA  

May Allah bless you with beneficial knowledge, companionship in marriage, and children who will obey you seeking the recompense of their Lord. Ameen.

Baarak-Allaahu Feekum - wa sal-Allaahu wa-sallam 'alaa Nabiyyinaa Muhammad,
was-Salaam 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullaahe wa-Barakaatuh.

Abu' Salafi'ayn
-From As-Salafiyoon in Columbus-

zaahir.abd
29-11-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH..

BARAKALLAHU FEEKUM , YA FARUQ....

YEAH THE "DON'TS" PART WAS ANSWERED , MASHA ALLAH , THRU YOUR ADVICE ON WHAT TO STICK TO.....SHUKRAN....INSHA ALLAH I WOULD LIKE THE HADEETH YOU SPOKE OF, SO THAT I CAN PRINT IT OFF OF HERE OR FIND IT IN THE BOOKS INSHA ALLAH.....BARAKALLAHU FEEKUM.......

AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM

ZAAHIR AL-BUERTO RIKAANEE

faruq.as-salafi
30-11-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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As-Salaamu' Alaikum wa Rahman tu'llahi wa'berta'khatu.

Wa-Feekum Baraku'llah, ya'Zaahir.

Another day at work and again I do not have access to Sahih Al-Bukhari or Sahih Muslim, insha-Allah you have a copy, post that narration with it's isnaad for myself and the people when you find it. Someone corrected me by saying that the hadith refers to the family in general as well as the mother specifically. Does anyone know of a website that has ahadith from the kitaabu'sittah on it? If so please post the URL insha-Allah.
Ya'akhi another advice I have for you insha-Allah, is by way of www.troid.org, the fatwa of the Muhhadith Al-Alama' Grand Muftee to pass 'Ibn Baz (Rahimahu'llah)! Take heed to this advice ya'abdu'Llah and correct your affairs to the point where divorce is not evitable by staying away from the things that cause it and characteristics that cause it which the shaikh, Rahimahu'llah warns from below. If it does come about wa'na'uthu bi'llahi man thalik, may Allah protect you from that fitnah of divorce, the shaikh relays valids reasons for that:


[Q]: What are the valid reasons for divorce, from your point of view your Eminence?

[A]: For divorce there are many reasons: From them (i.e. the many reasons for divorce) is lack of harmony between the husband and the wife such that it does not cause love from either one for the other or from both of them. And from them is bad behaviour of the woman or lack of listening and obedience to the husband in what he commands of the good. And from them is bad behaviour of the husband and his oppressing the woman and lack of fairness/justice for her. And from them is his falling short of fulfilling her rights and her falling short of fulfilling his rights. And from this is the occurrence of wrongdoing from one of them or both of them such that the situation is made worse because of this, so the only route is divorce, and from this is the husband or the wife turning to intoxicants and smoking. And from them is the bad state of affairs between the woman and the husband's parents or either of them, and the lack of use of wise politics in dealing with each other. And from them is the lack of the woman in caring and showing concern in cleanliness and dressing up and beautifying herself for her husband with perfume and good speech and cheerfulness when she meets her husband and when they have sexual intercourse.
Taken from Fataawaa Islaamiyyah (3/264)]
http://www.troid.org/articles/fataawaa/tallaaq/divorce.htm

Baarak-Allaahu Feekum - wa sal-Allaahu wa-sallam 'alaa Nabiyyinaa Muhammad,
was-Salaam 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullaahe wa-Barakaatuh.

Abu' Salafi'ayn
-From As-Salafiyoon in Columbus-

This message was edited by faruq.as-salafi on 11-30-02 @ 4:43 AM

faruq.as-salafi
15-12-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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As-Salaam Alaikum.

Check www.fatwa-online.com for dhaleel.

Baarak-Allaahu Feekum - wa sal-Allaahu wa-sallam 'alaa Nabiyyinaa Muhammad,
was-Salaam 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullaahe wa-Barakaatuh.

Abu' Salafi'ayn
-From As-Salafiyoon in Columbus-

zaahir.abd
15-12-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM

YA FARUQ,

I FOUND THE HADITH OF THE FOUR THINGS A WOMAN IS MARRIED FOR.....BUT NOT THE OTHER ONE YOU MENTIONED...ABOUT THE BEAUTY FADING......HERE IS THE HADITH OF THE FOUR THINGS.....INSHA ALLAH

SAHIH AL BUKHARI (TRANSLATION OF THE MEANINGS OF)
VOLUME 7
BOOK OF AN-NIKAH

HADITH 5090 PG. 32-33

NARRATED ABU HURAIRAH -RADI ALLAHU ANHU-: THE PROPHET-SALLALLAHU ALAIHI WA SALLAM-SAID, "A WOMAN IS MARRIED FOR FOUR (THINGS), I.E. HER WEALTH , HER FAMILY STATUS, HER BEAUTY AND HER RELIGION. SO YOU SHOULD TAKE POSSESSION OF (MARRY)THE RELIGIOUS WOMAN (OTHERWISE)YOU WILL BE A LOSER."


INSHA ALLAH SOMEONE CAN FIND THE ONE YOU MENTIONED PERTAINING TO THE BEAUTY FADING OUT......

BARAKALLAHU FEEKUM
AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH

ZAAHIR AL BUERTO RIKAANEE

faruq.as-salafi
18-12-2002 @ 12:00 AM    Notify Admin about this post
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Walaykum Salaam wa'Rahman tu'Llah!

Ahlul-Dhaleel Bro!

Na'aam my statement from the initial post...

"I think that the Prophet (sal'Allahu'alahe wa salaam) mentioned specifically that it's not recommended to marry a sister for her beauty only because this attribute will fade over time, her self-persistence of striving to obtain taqwa, of striving to be upon the manhaj of the salafu'salih, her striving to act out her attributing herself to being a salafi, athari, sunni, insha-Allahu'ta'Baraka'wa Ta'Ala will not fade over time, insha-Allah it will only increase in good."

...is in need of a dhaleel.

Can someone post the dhaleel in relation to the beauty fading as not being a reason to marry for the beauty, if there is a dhaleel insha-Allah?

Baarak-Allaahu Feekum - wa sal-Allaahu wa-sallam 'alaa Nabiyyinaa Muhammad,
was-Salaam 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullaahe wa-Barakaatuh.

Abu' Salafi'ayn
-From As-Salafiyoon in Columbus-






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