Member
Posts: 61
Joined: Feb 2003
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Bismillaahi was salaatu was salaamu 'ala Rasoolillaahi wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam, wa ba'd:
As-salaamu Alaikum,
Following please find a question from one of our sisters, that requires urgent attention. She is requesting one of the taalibul 'ilm answer her insha'allah, as soon as possible. The sister really needs some naseehah with regards to both her and her husband's rights, with adillah of course. Barakallahu Feekum!
Umm Layla Khadiyja bint Elworth
Maryland, USA
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I am in need of some advice regarding my marriage. After I have
already sought the help of Allah, I decided to come to someone of
knowledge who can help me as well Insha'Allah.
I have been married to my husband for two years now and I have two
children that are not my husband's, but rather they are before Islam.
I have been working ever since I married my husband. My husband has
taken on jobs since our marriage and Allah truly knows best what
happened to them. My husband has stated that he does not like to work
for anyone so he goes out in the dunya to sell his products (incense,
oils, etc). I worry because he is out in the dunya and each time he
is out he comes how very very late. I have asked him to come in early
because there is nothing but fitnah being out on the streets that
late at night such as naked women. And that Allah says in the Quran
that He created the day to go out to seek His bounty and the night
for rest. I have trusted in Allah regarding him coming in late and
that it would get better. Sometimes my husband comes in from being
out very late and has not made a dime. MashaAllah. I work outside of
the home and pay all the bills. I feel that my husband has gotten
comfortable with this lifestyle. And Allah knows best. I realize how
much fitnah it has caused in my marriage and in my children. So I
have sought the help of Allah to provide me a way out of this
difficult situation. Because my husband does not give me my rights
that I know are due to me. He says that I have no good intentions for
him because I do not give him money to help him to build up his
product he sales on the street. That I don't sacrifice although I do
give him money to help him out because I want for him what I want for
myself. But he tells me that is only out of what is convenient for
me. He tells me that he believe that I have oppressed him because I
have worked all this time and he has stayed home most of the time and
watched the kids.
I have trusted in Allah to go about the right way and put in my 2
weeks notice at my job, demand my rights from my husband and tell him
you go out work hard and provide me food, clothing and shelter. This
is what I decided I was going to do then I get a call from a sister
that my husband had intentions to marry. I just don't understand how
he can take on a second wife when my rights are not fulfilled at all.
He told me that Allah provides for us in ways that we would never
imagine. I believe that and put all my trust in Allah.
He told me that I am not enough for him and that he needs to protect
himself because he is almost going to commit adultery. That he has
never been with one women before Islam and that he needs a another wife.
He said that when you have two evils and that there is no other way that
you should take the less of the two evils. I am not sure whether there
is a authentic hadith on this. I told him that Allah says to lower the
gaze. And that Allah says you can marry up to four women but if you
can not be just between them then it is best you marry only one. I
also told him the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaiyhi
wasallam) if you look at another women with desire that you should
come home and have relations with your wife. I do not have a problem
with polygamy because I can not go against what Allah has made
permissible it is just the way some of these brothers go about
getting more wives without the means to provide for all of them. I
have not been able to get through to my husband regarding Quran and
Sunnah. He is trying to take on a second wife due to his desires and
not because he has the capabilities to do so. I feel that my husband
will also be putting me in a situation of fitnah by not going about
this the right. And please correct me if I am wrong. Because Islam is
not about how we feel.
I have asked my husband for a divorce if he puts me in a polygamy
situation that is not correct and is a infringement upon my rights
that are not fufilled. I know about the hadith of the Prophet
(sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) that if a women asks for a divorce
without a valid reason that she will not smell the odor of paradise.
Does this apply to my situation and do I have the right to a divorce?
Please advice me regarding my situation and my rights concerning it?
JazakAllahKharain
Asalamu Alaikum,
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This message was edited by Umm.Layla on 9-16-04 @ 2:33 AM
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Umm.Layla
06-09-2004 @ 3:00 AM
